Starring - Demi Moore, Michael Caine

Flawless, set in 1960s London, tells of the story of Laura Quinn (Demi Moore), a career driven woman in the male dominated business of diamond dealing. As she becomes increasingly frustrated by her lack of promotion despite years of loyal service to the London Diamond Corporation, the nighttime janitor (Michael Caine) convinces her to aid him in stealing a large amount of diamonds.

Ostensibly then, this is a heist thriller, but sadly, the thrills are few, and the heist, when compared to the slickness and panache of the Oceans’ films and the Thomas Crown Affair, is spectacularly dull. Demi Moore (starting to look her age at last) is watchable but average and the ever reliable Michael Caine barely elevates this film beyond absolute mediocrity with his world weary hobble and hints at a tragic past. What is odd about this film is that it was ever considered to be made into a feature length film, rather than the far more appropriate medium of television. The scale and production values are quite easily outstripped by a good episode of Hustle on the BBC, which itself isn’t great. Flawless would be much improved if it were based on a true story, at least then it would have an excuse for being so underwhelming. The ‘how did they do it’ moment leaves you with the feeling that if this isn’t based on truth, at least the creators could make an effort to be enthralling.

Perhaps this is a little unfair. The plotting, which sees the heist actually happening about a third of the way into the film, suggests that this is more of a character piece than an out and out heist film. The real drama unfolds as Demi desperately tries to maintain her composure as the firm investigates the robbery. Having said this, Demi predominantly conveys this anxiety by smoking. A lot. Also, her motivations for aiding Sir Michael in the first place are weak to say the least, and this detracts greatly from her believability as a character. Getting your own back on your bosses for years of being overlooked versus twenty five years in prison? I’d take the filing job.

Verdict - Enthralling, gripping, clever, slick, unmissable. None of these words describe this film. It’s average, at best, And the title is shit.

Two stars.

This is the culmination of Semana Santa (Holy Week), a weeklong festival held every year in Seville to remember the final events before Jesus’ crucifixion. Given its scale, and the thousands of visitors that are drawn to the city every year to witness this special event, it is hardly surprising that the festival is now regarded as one of the most important events of the Spanish religious calendar.

Hundreds of people are involved in each procession, from the nazerenos, the brotherhoods in pointed hoods (often viewed with uneasy suspicion by less informed tourists), to the costaleros, the teams of 20 or more men that carry the pasos (floats), and can be found afterwards (and often before) necking cans of local cerveza in one of the many bars in the city centre.

Although these religious processions alone were enough to make my visit to Seville worthwhile, they proved to be pretty difficult to avoid in any case. Having visited the city before, and been impressed with how easy it is to get around by foot, I quickly learnt that negotiating myself around the thousands of spectators that fill the streets was not going to be easy. After a couple of days I decided to take in some of the many tourist sites dotted around the city. The Cathedral – the biggest in Europe – is a spectacular example of Gothic architecture and is home to an impressive collection of Moorish art and treasure. La Giralda, the Cathedral’s bell tower, is one of the tallest points in the city centre and offers good views of the rest of Seville, including the famous Plaza de Toros de la Maestranza – one of the most important bull rings in Spain.

The week isn’t all about solemnity either, and whether visiting for just a few days or a couple of weeks, it is impossible to avoid the party atmosphere that makes Seville so unique. Keen to experience some authentic flamenco music I visited the famous “La Carboneria” club on a quiet back street in the Santa Cruz district. The club prides itself on maintaining the flamenco tradition, and with its sawdust floor and ancient bar it seems as though it hasn’t changed in decades. Calle Betis, across the river in the Triana district, provides a different taste of Seville’s nightlife. Originally populated by the Romani Gitanos, or gypsy people, the area is now one of the trendiest and most expensive in the city, but still maintains its authentic, lived-in feel.

In the last 20 years Seville has undergone a massive redevelopment project, which began in 1992. The development was considered a success, but it is ongoing and the vast contrasts – between old and new, rich and poor – can be felt throughout the city. Don’t be put off by the guidebooks’ warnings though – I felt perfectly safe during my stay, and getting lost within the city’s labyrinth of narrow streets quickly became an more of an adventure than an annoyance. A perfect way to explore the many hidden gardens and churches around the city.

Wanting to escape the hustle and bustle of the city centre, I escaped to the Macarena district, Seville’s equivalent to the Northern Quarter in both location and feel. At the heart of the area is the Alameda de Hercules, a wide, pedestrianised street lined with bars, cafes and restaurants. At night hundreds of people (including families with children as young as four) descend onto the street equipped with guitars, beer and marijuana, to which the police more often than not turn a blind eye. The party atmosphere is infectious, but sporadically catching a glimpse of a paso ducking behind a street, and hearing the brass band somewhere in the distance, I was reminded of the many contrasts that make Seville so unique. These are never more evident than during the spectacle that is Semana Santa.

22 issues, 704 pages and 789,567 words (approximately) – producing this year’s Student Direct has been no mean feat. We’ve covered everything from “degendered” toilet facilities to BNP staff members on campus and exclusive interviews with everyone from Johnny Marr to Manchester United’s Da Silva twins. Who would have thought that a Student Direct editorial would spark an international media frenzy, provoking commentary from as far away as India? Did anyone predict that an SD Comment piece would incite strong enough disagreement for students to form a protest against it on the Union steps? The politics have been gruelling, the characters involved even more so, but Student Direct 08-09 does have fond memories in abundance – and none more so than hearing the phrase “political correctness gone mad is a disablist term” uttered on national TV. With thanks to all our readers, contributors and furious letter writers, we wish you all the best of luck in your exams.

TOPSHOP = SWEATSHOP

Student Direct applauds the People and Planet activists who protested against the use of sweatshop labour by the high-street fashion giant that clothes most students: Topshop. Raising awareness of these issues is paramount if consumers are to make informed decisions about how to spend their cash. If dedicated Topshop fans knew about the working conditions of the people making their skinny jeans they might think twice, or even three or four times, about buying that beautiful, sequined top. High street stores like Topshop make their production decisions based on the opinions and actions of those of the consumer, something that it is never clever to underestimate: just look at what happened to Gap. The student community has huge potential to inflict pressure on Topshop to make it pull its fashionable socks up, join the Ethical Trading Initiative, finally throw of the sweatshop tag and adopt another label: ideally the ethical kind.

Related article:BOP Security Manhandles Female Students

(In)security at the Bop

Student Direct reported this week that security staff at the Owens Park Bop have been reprimanded by the University for aggressive and rude behaviour. Yet sadly, for those of us who frequent nightclubs, it is a regular occurrence to be treated with utter disdain by similarly podgy middle-aged men with inferiority complexes. This is often not the case however if you happen to be an attractive women, when the security on the door will be all sweetness and smiles, and make it their business to ensure you go straight to the front of the queue. In fact, it is ludicrous that bouncers come under that umbrella term “security”, when what they provide is at the best of times no better than shamefaced favouritism. At their worst, these same men instigate random and extreme cases of violence. Student Direct hopes that the men in question who perpetrated aggressive actions against female customers of The Bop get their comeuppance in due course. Such retribution would make a refreshing change.

Related article:Not Top Of The Shop

They expressed concern over the “unprofessional” and “aggressive” conduct of door staff at Owens Park. Alexandra Preston-Morley along with six other students claimed that the head doorman at the time “physically manhandled” them by “grabbing our arms in a rough manner”, after accusing the girls of queue pushing.

The letter said: “We were not the only people on the night who suffered at the hands of the BOP security and we are aware that several complaints were submitted on the night and throughout the course of the past academic year regarding issues relating to the BOP security staff.”

A spokesman confirmed that the University received a letter of complaint regarding the forceful behaviour of security staff. “Swift action has been taken to address the issue and an urgent meeting was organised with the security firm responsible for the event.

“At this meeting, the standards of conduct and professionalism expected by the University were reiterated to the company.”

National Security Network were hired by the University to look after the BOP. The prestigious security company based in Chorley, who also looked after Baa Bar and Opus, said: “We are still fully investigating the incident. We are liaising with Owens Park staff and the BOP and hope this continues.”

The University of Manchester’s own team of uniformed security staff look after both the academic and residential areas on campus, but not the popular fancy dress night that is the BOP.

A University spokesman said: “The Area Operations Manager for Bars On Campus has spoken to some of the students and is due to meet with them to further discuss their concerns and the action taken.

“Over the coming weeks security operations at The Bop will be closely monitored to ensure everyone has a safe and enjoyable experience.”

The Area Operations Manager Emma Barlow has since been in touch with the seven students. Preston-Morley said that she had been extremely friendly and cooperative. “She’s been really good to us, and the last BOP was completely different.”

The head doorman in question coincidentally asked not to work at the last BOP following the complaints. One of the girls, Caroline Jones, said that the University had acted quickly. “Friday was much better, it went much more smoothly. They’ve handled it well.”

The BOP is Fallowfield’s most notorious student-halls night, where each event is themed and the music is often described as ‘cheesy’. The fire alarms are frequently set off as pranks, although this is widely acknowledged as part of life at Owens Park.

Last November, overcrowding in the popular venue resulted in several students sustaining injuries. Police attended the scene after being alarmed by phone calls that people were getting crushed in the queue, after the Owens Pak bar had reached full capacity and bouncers refused to let more people in.

A source from Owens Park bar said last week there was speculation that the BOP could get cancelled, but staff have adamantly denied that this was the case.

“It might [get cancelled] because the people at pastoral care will have attributed the fire alarms and the trouble purely to the BOP,” said the source.

“But that Friday [24th April] was nothing out of the ordinary. It was no worse than a normal night out.”

“I think part of the problem is that the students can’t cool off elsewhere like they can if they went for a night out in the city,” said the source.

The story follows an English aristocrat (Nicole Kidman) as she travels to pre-World War II Australia in order to look after a newly inherited cattle ranch; once there, she discovers that her property is to be the subject of a backhanded takeover attempt and reluctantly enlists the help of a rough-and-ready stock-man (Hugh Jackman, whose performance you will enjoy if you can still look at him without thinking of Magic buses).

But the real star of the show is 11-year-old Brandon Walters, who plays the indigenous Aboriginal helper boy adopted by Kidman when she arrives at her ranch. Before he was cast, Walters (who has genuine Aboriginal roots) had only seen a couple of films in his life and had no idea who his two big co-stars were, but his magical performance here is what makes the film worth watching.

The film clocks in at a lengthy 165 minutes and its historical claims are heavily mythologised, but in a way these things work in Australia’s favour, lending it the feel of a sweeping, mystical epic.

Verdict – No masterpiece, but a unique melodrama nonetheless.

3.5 stars

5. Them! – in Sweden it became – Spiders Attacking!

Whoever was in charge of this particular re-branding must have spent their GCSE Biology years picking their nose and throwing pig hearts at the opposite sex – this film is about giant ants attacking. Ants. Not spiders.

4. The Matrix – in France it became – The Young People who Traverse Dimensions while Wearing Sunglasses

Now at least this title reflects what actually happens in the film, albeit very, very literally. I wonder if the sequels were called “The Young People Traverse Dimensions Again, But This Time It’s Not As Good”.

3. Army of Darkness – in Japan it became – Captain Supermarket

Help! There’s an army of the undead outside trying to break into my house and eat my brains! What should I do? Should I grab something sharp and pointy, or even a gun? No! Call out for Captain Supermarket, the superhero who has everything (that you can find in a convenience shop).

2. 3 Men and a Baby – in China it became – Marx, Lenin and Mao change a diaper.

Now the reasoning here is obvious, and I’m sure it went something like this: “Ok, we have a comedy here, but we need to sell it to the Chinese. What do the Chinese love? Communism, of course! But how can we marry the two? I’ve got it! The film’s about three men, and Marx, Lenin and Mao are three men. What would be hilarious? Those three changing a diaper! Brilliant!”

1. Vampire in Brooklyn – in China it became – I suck, I suck, I suck suck suck!

Another blinder from the Chinese. Other possible contenders for this format – The Hulk becomes “I smash, I smash, I smash smash smash!” or even Twister, which becomes “It blows, it blows, it blows blows blows!”

That man is Caden Cotard, a middle aged theatre director who, after being left by his wife and subsequently discovering he has a mysterious debilitating disease, sets himself up in a New York warehouse in order to create an enduring piece of drama. This theatrical flight of fancy is enabled by his receiving a MacArthur fellowship, a grant designed for specifically that purpose, and a financial aid that allows him to reach Howard Hughes-like levels of obsession as he meticulously reproduces New York inside the warehouse. This is then the setting for a reproduction of reality as Caden replicates his life as a sprawling, never ending play, including everything from an actor to play himself to a staging of the process of him staging a play.

Having come from the deranged mind of Charlie Kaufman (writer of Being John Malkovich and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), the film has an unconventional approach to what at first glance seems a rather conventional script. Surrealist sequences appear seemingly at random and are never explained; the fact that one of Caden’s lovers seems to live in a burning house is never even mentioned. Apart from these bizarre interludes, the film is shot in a pretty standard, realist manner; the lack of visual adornment allowing the focus to be on the cast’s excellent performances.

Kaufman’s first film as director, the picture is almost repulsively self-indulgent, and there’s no doubt that the writer/director’s obsession with highbrow concepts such as synecdoche (a literary term that refers to one thing by way of a related thing, e.g. “the screen” for “movies”) and simulacrum (the idea of a copy without an original) will alienate many audiences. Nonetheless there is something strangely compelling about a picture that is so clearly one man’s vision, indeed one man’s artistic compulsion; it pays so little attention to its audience that it is closer to art than cinema. The film has no purpose other than to be itself.

As a piece of art it is unapologetic and will therefore engender a variety of wildly personal reactions, each informed by the viewer’s individual experiences. With that said however, some of the film’s standout sequences do seem universally poignant. Who could fail to be moved by the sight of Caden using glycerine when he can’t cry naturally after his daughter rejects him?

It is Kaufman’s fascinating attitude to narrative that ultimately fuels the film; he jumps years and alerts the audience with a throwaway line of dialogue and of course Caden is so obsessed with narrative that eventually he can’t distinguish it from what is real. As Caden treads the fine line between what is reproduced and what is real, Kaufman treads his own line between indulgence and insight; by the film’s emotional conclusion he has managed to stay on just the right side.

Verdict – Wilfully pretentious and insanely self-indulgent, Synecdoche, New York will no doubt disgust half of its intended audience. The other half however will rejoice at a fascinating picture that can achieve moments of unbearable poignancy.

3 and a half stars

Facebook group “Let’s Redo Classic Album Covers Using Microsoft Paint” has attracted over 2,400 members, who have made both wonderful replicas and their own “special” mock-ups of their favourite album covers.

Paint My Album began as bored Medicine student Diarmuid White doodled “what seemed like a drowned seal”, on computer programme Microsoft Paint, which he later claimed represented the album Nevermind, of American grunge band Nirvana.

White decided to set up a Facebook group with MA Creative Writing student Anthony Richardson, inviting others to have a go at drawing their own album covers. The group now has members from the United States, Australia, Indonesia, India, and most of Europe.

“We just today had our first cover in from Norway - it looks as if done by a five year old with no hands, but that’s what we’re looking for,” said Richardson.

“We’ve been both horrified and impressed by what we’ve received,” he said. “Some people are scarily talented – professional artists and graphic designers have submitted stuff that looks exactly like the real thing. We’re touched by how much time real people have spent on the project.

“Some people plainly have no artistic bones in their bodies, but they’re our favourite type of people. They have a go, and they know they’re rubbish, but once they’ve submitted loads of strangers tell them how brilliant their pictures are. We feel like art teachers in a special school. It’s a really warm and enthusiastic community.”

The idea has moved on from Facebook to its own website, www.paintmyalbum.net, as well as to YouTube, where the pair have created a comedy show based on the covers.

The meeting was called off by Chair of Council Jonty Prior, with students instead invited to stay for an informal debate.

Reece H Smith, a second year nursing student, said that it was unfortunate that the semester had to close with yet another failed meeting.

“The motions put forward were incredibly important. Hopefully we haven’t missed out on saying no to the ID cards, especially as the voluntary ones are going to be brought out in Manchester.”

The “Vital Referendum On Union Democracy”, with plans drawn up for online General Meetings to reduce student apathy, was only fourth priority.

Photo: Mike Kyle

But speaking at a question and answer session with students, Gilbert conceded that learning conditions had become “unacceptable” at the university.

He claimed however that academic research undertaken by staff was important in boosting the University’s standing in league tables and providing students with “a degree that is credible”.

Around 30 students turned up to the session held in the Council Chambers last Thursday. Gilbert spoke for around 30 minutes before Academic Affairs Officer Chris Jenkinson, who chaired the event, invited members of the audience to ask questions.

Gilbert, who enjoys a bumper £291,000 pay packet in his role as Vice-Chancellor and University President, emphasised the importance of the ongoing Undergraduate Education Review, saying: “It is an important part of the process of making a Manchester degree more valuable and it will increase the employability of Manchester graduates.” He said the University was working to supply booklets that would provide future students with a “contract” detailing the precise nature of individual course modules.

The Vice-Chancellor addressed the recent furore over proposed lecture cuts for Law students saying: “I opposed the proposal of the Law School to make these changes and they will not now be introduced. We need a clear, demonstrable improvement in the quality of learning, but I would ask students not to go out and blindly demand changes.”

He also addressed the effects of the recession on students and pledged opposition to the proposed increase in tuition fees branding it a “strange and foolish decision”.

“The increase should not go ahead… as we don’t know what the capacity of students and their families is to deal with future financial pressures.”

Questions included criticism of Gilbert’s pay packet and his assertion that increased online resources for students was compatible with more “personalised” learning.  Gilbert pledged that future increases in online resources “will be in addition, not at the expense of, face-to-face [learning]”.

The Vice-Chancellor said that there “could be” a reduction in his pay, adding that pay rises for senior staff were currently being frozen.

5:  Speed 2: Cruise Control from Top 5 Unnecessary Sequels
“Keanu? Yeah, we’re doing Speed again mate… yeah on a boat this time…  It’ll probably be even more successful. What do you mean “no”?” This super-lame aquatic re-jig of a fine action movie sank without trace. The tension caused by having to avoid traffic and pedestrians is replaced by the tension caused by having to avoid mackerel. Still, at least the annoying bus-driving bird from the first one just happened to be there. Nice one Reeves, shite one Bullock.

The faux-quote is a fan favourite and is employed to full effect in this classic from the J-Mart vault. “Hey Jack, I love those faux-quotes you do, they’re so hilariously ironic!”

4:  Citizen Kane from Top 5 Political Movies
Orson Welles gives a spectacular account of the life of fictional media mogul/politician/nutjob Charles Foster Kane. It’s really, really good, widely regarded as one of the best films ever made. I’m looking into making a sequel called Citizen Dane about ‘90s heartthrob Dane Bowers, but thus far I’ve only been told that I’m “out of my mind”.

Oh look at that, I went all deep and serious for a bit then totally changed it up at the end with an incredible pun. Versatility is just one of the many strings to J-Mart’s bow.

3:  Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles from Top 5 Vampire Movies
I had an interview with a vampire the other day, but when I told him I couldn’t work nights he told me I wasn’t right for the job. It may have also been the fact that when he asked me about hobbies I spoke a lot about my frequent attendance of garlic conventions or the “I Heart Garlic” t-shirt I was wearing.

Did somebody say garlic?

2:  The Spy Who Loved Me from Top 5 Bond Movies
There’s a crazed megalomaniac with a diabolical scheme for world domination, bet you didn’t see that one coming. Don’t worry though because the greatest Englishman of all time Roger Moore is here to destroy him with a gun made from charm and bullets made from wit. He’d probably get the job done a lot quicker if he didn’t keep pausing to crack off cheesy one-liners.  Still, the birds love it.  I should know.

The Top Five Bond was a grade-A classic and my personal favourite ever, go and check it out on the website. I’ve often been called the “James Bond of Top 5s”, due to my timeless appeal and preposterous level of self-confidence.

1: Groundhog Day from Top 5 Time Travel Movies
Bill Murray lives the same day over and over again in his archetypal role. If I could live this same day over and over again, I’d probably watch Groundhog Day every day so when eventually the next day comes I will have watched it the most times in the world.

So this is where it all began. I’d like to travel back in time to when I wrote this and give myself a massive pat on the back because this shit was golden.

Any complaints? F**k off. Especially that tw*t that wrote in about the monkeys.

The winners were as follows:

Club of the Year- Women’s Hockey
Most Improved Club of the Year- Women’s Lacrosse
Team of the Year- Women’s Ten Pin Bowling
Fresher of the Year- Camille Sandaldjian from Karate
Sportsman of the Year- Rob Rae from Water Polo
Sportswoman of the Year- Hannah Lawrence from Fencing
Coach of the year- Gareth Hargreaves from Men’s Rugby League
Club Official of the Year- Josh Muncke from Men’s Lacrosse
Laski Cup (outstanding contribution to University sport)- Georgie Green
Purple Pride (unique dedication to the Athletic Union)- Women’s Hockey 1st XI

And so another season ends, with a new team of AU committee members ready to take over and maintain the forward momentum from 2008-9. Best of luck to all those who will take up the reins.

President of the Manchester University Music Society (MUMS) Michael Betteridge predicted that the four-day event, now in its 31st year, will live up to its rich performance heritage.

“We’ve got everything from soul to Dvořák to chamber pieces and our ensemble, Superfly,” he said.

All 12 concerts will be held in The Cosmo Rodewald Hall at the Martin Harris centre.

“It is a phenomenal location for the musicians – professional ensembles play here all the time and it can fit 200 people. It’s completely open to the public,” said Betteridge.

University of Manchester students and staff are entitled to discounted tickets and the lunchtime concerts are free of charge.

Student Amy Lambert contracted malaria while on her gap year in the South East Asian country of Cambodia. “I didn’t bother taking any anti-malarial medication with me,” she said.  “One morning I woke up feeling extremely ill…  Had I been a little more prepared… I wouldn’t have had my time in Cambodia interrupted by illness.”

Alice Draper from the FCO said: “To make sure you get the most out of your travels, it’s really important to do some simple preparation in advance of your trip to help reduce the risk of anything going wrong – and allow you to cope better if it does.”

Students are encouraged to register details of their trip using a service called LOCATE, found on the FCO’s website, which will help them track down British nationals in an emergency. They are also urged to take out travel insurance, remember their EHIC cards, find out about vaccinations and make copies of important documents.

The current policy is for certain degree programmes including Medicine, Dentistry and Social Work to require students to declare even spent convictions when applying to university courses.

The review comes after an investigation by The Guardian newspaper, which discovered that a straight A applicant for Medicine had his offer of a place at Imperial College London withdrawn after the university discovered he had omitted a spent conviction for burglary on his application form.

Majid Ahmed, 19, was wrongly advised he did not have to declare the conviction and was declined entry to the medical school after failing a “fitness to practice” interview, in which a panel of experts decide whether an applicant with special circumstances is allowed to train as a doctor.

NUS President Wes Streeting said that Ahmed’s case demonstrated why UCAS ought to make the changes. “While for some courses and professions it is right that spent convictions are known by interviewers and professional bodies,” he said, “we should not hold past misdemeanors against those seeking to better themselves.”

Photo: Courtesy of People and Planet

SHAMING TOPSHOP’S continued use of sweatshop labour to manufacture its clothing, student activists protested outside the Arndale shopping centre branch last fortnight.

University of Manchester and Manchester Metropolitan students from direct action group People and Planet tried to call attention to Topshop’s business practices, as well as their refusal to join the Ethical Trading Initiative (ETI), which would require them to keep to a corporate code of practice.

While the high street giant does sell some ethical products, most of its clothing is still produced in sweatshops.

Armed with banners reading “Stop the Sweatshop Stitch Up” and “Topshop = Sweatshop”, the protesters handed out flyers to passers-by in front of the shop’s main entrance, while six security guards called to the scene attempted to get them off the premises.

The eight activists eventually had to abandon their post after about 25 minutes. Previous protests had, however, been much shorter, with security escorting them out of the shopping centre after mere minutes.

“Topshop ship workers from many poor, developing countries to Mauritius where they take advantage of incredibly slack laws to protect workers rights,” said 20-year-old PPE student Andrew McCarthy.

“There, they are paid less than 40p an hour and work 12 hour days, having paid as much as £725 to get the job.

“Topshop makes huge profits from this and then has the cheek to hide behind selling more ethical brands such as People Tree. We are not taken in by this and will not support the exploitation carried out by Topshop.”

The protest commemorated International Labour Day, which took place on Friday 1st May.

Every week, 12 young people die from sudden cardiac death in the UK, with most never showing any symptoms. Held in memory of these deaths, the CRY Philips Test My Heart Tour 09 offers free cardiac testing to 14 to 35-year-olds, with the Manchester leg of the tour held at the Armitage Sports Centre in Fallowfield on Saturday 16th and Sunday 17th May.

Screenings will take less than 30 minutes and be overseen by a doctor and a team of cardiac physicians.

Appointments can be booked at www.testmyheart.org.

Photo: Mike Kyle

UNLESS “QUICK action” is taken, global warming will exceed 2C by 2050, a study by Manchester Metropolitan University has revealed.

MMU, along with Oxford University, ETH Zurich and the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research, conducted the study on climate change, which found that to limit global warming to an acceptable level, just less than a quarter of the planet’s fossil fuels should be burnt between now and 2050.

The study, part of a three-year research project involving MMU’s Centre for Air Transport and the Environment, revealed that one third of the 1,000bn tonnes of carbon dioxide intended to last until 2050 has already been burnt.

Malte Meinshausen, of the Potsdam Institute for Climate Research, said that unless we limit our burning of fossil fuels, “we will have exhausted the carbon budget in merely 20 years, and global warming will go well beyond 2C”. 109 countries called for global warming to be limited to 2C to avoid dangerous climate change, as part of the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change.

University of Manchester Students’ Union Communications Officer and climate change campaigner Robbie Gillett said: “It’s really important to recognise that climate change is not just a scientific issue.

“We can’t just carry on building new runways and new coal fired power stations in the hope that one day we’ll invent a magic bullet that will solve everything.

“We need to cut our carbon emissions now with a sense of urgency. The risks are too great, and the timeframe too short. History will condemn our generation if we fail to prevent climate change while we still had the chance.”

Despite the recession, it seems Manchester’s finest expect to earn more than the average graduate, who looks to pocket £19,300 if employed within six months of leaving university.

Over a third of prospective Manchester graduates anticipated entering the job market after completing their degrees, while 22% planned to continue studying for a postgraduate degree.

These figures, obtained by student and graduate recruitment researchers High Fliers, as part of their annual UK Graduate Careers Survey, contradict recent reports that predict a gloomy future for graduates, with recruitment stalling or even declining in most sectors. Indeed, Mancunians seem much more positive about their career prospects than the national average. Half of the 16,357 students surveyed nationwide feared that even if they secured a job, the offer would be withdrawn before they actually started, or they would be made redundant within the first year.

High Fliers Managing Director Martin Birchall said: “Although many students began their job search earlier than usual and made an increased number of applications to employers, noticeably fewer have been successful in securing a graduate position than last year.

“Having invested an average of £15,000 on their degrees, tens of thousands of finalists are now set to leave university without a job offer and feel they have little prospect of finding work in the immediate future.”

Surprisingly, the usual long-faced comments about poor student satisfaction did not appear to register with the final years responding to the survey, with 90% of them believing that attending the University of Manchester would help get them a decent job.

824 final years from the University of Manchester took part in the survey back in March.