NEWSHOUND

Meat Sales Face Severe Cuts

Small butchers in Queensland, Australia have been forced to close down because the stakes are too high.

Authorities have tried to parma down the blame to the credit crunch, but the butchers say those in charge have done little to cure the problem.

Meanwhile it remains to be seen whether consumers will cleave out their expenditure on meat as “a luxury item”. Many are wondering cow they are going to get out of this one. Authorities hope that the public will continue trotting down to butchers regardless of the crunch. Yeah, and pigs might fly…

Llama Drama

Its environmental conscience has driven a Peruvian newspaper into ruin, due to the excessive costs of its recycled paper – made from llama poo.

Following a decision five years ago to switch to the ecologically sound paper alternative made by boiling and pulping the animal dung, the local newspaper had to declare insolvency because the costs of the specially made paper had left them with massive debts.

“We wanted to do good for the world,” said a spokeswoman for the newspaper. “We are very proud of our llamas and wanted to show this with printing on their paper. It is so easy to recycle, more people should do this, then the costs would not be so high.”

It is not certain if the newspaper will be able to continue publishing.

Long Faces Die Sooner

People with significantly long faces have been shown to die sooner after living unhappy lives, according to recent research.

Unhappiness and death are thought to be caused by the mirror reflection of a face of long proportions creating a subconscious shock in a child’s mind, similar to trauma.

Scientists from the University of Westchester conducted the study over a 20-year period. Maxillofacial Surgeon Professor Vincent Sage said: “Excessive breathing problems created by having a long face may result in cardiac arrest.

“But people with long faces can still live meaningful lives before they are cut short.”

Long face syndrome is a common occurrence in children with enlarged tonsils from allergies, which creates an inability to breathe through the nose.