The student population’s fixation with fancy dress is something I’ll never quite understand. Maybe it’s a bad experience I had (whose name I forget) at the AU as a not-wholly-innocent Fresher, or maybe I just believe in being able to enjoy a cocktail with friends without resembling the cast of a low-budget pantomime, but suffice to say, costumery is not for me. However, in the privacy of one’s own bedroom, a little masquerade can be quite the turn on.
We all yearn for our school days, so why not set your sights on that lusty lecturer (for a first class shag)? Or somewhat less controversially, hold detention in your bedroom. Rulers are excellent spanking equipment as all you maths minxes will know. Just make sure that you stick to the fleshier parts of the bottom or thighs. Bony parts are a big no-no. If a softer touch is needed, then rolled up exercise books do the trick nicely.
Everyone with glasses knows how fun it can be to play the sexy secretary, so keep the specs on. Stir it up by bending over your desk wearing nothing but your heels and your glasses, or get your partner to dictate a filthy letter to you while you write it down. Bonus points if you can do it in shorthand.
Maybe it’s a while since you played doctors and nurses, but it’s time to get the gloves back on. Give your partner an examination by tapping them gently on the inside of the joints and then running a cold teaspoon along their limbs. When it’s warmed up a bit, and only when it has warmed up a bit, you can start to stroke their naughty bits. You naughty, naughty nurse.
Fire-fighter fantasies are a little more complex for the following reasons: a) setting your house on fire is inadvisable and b) few people are likely to be aroused by you messing around with the garden hose. Personally, I think it’s the rubber. However, if fire’s what does it for your bedfellow du jour, then pull on an orange cagoule, grab some wellies and perfect that fireman’s lift. And try not to laugh- you may be putting out fires but no one likes a damp squib.
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